back in the day i was the production director for a concert ministry called AFTERdark. working with bands like jon mclaughlin, dave barnes, matt wertz, copland, need to breathe, BEN RECTOR, green river ordinance…. and the list goes on and on.
my last year there i had an “interaction” with a production company i hired that turned into the greatest email i have ever gotten. felt i needed to share. see for yourself.
THE FOLLOWING IS REAL & UNEDITED (condensed… this mug was LONG)
names have been changed to protect the… crazy.
by the way, this is from the desktop of a middle aged, grown, man.
my coments are in (RED)
CONTEXT :: we didn’t have enough monitors, he wanted extra money outside of our prior agreement IN CASH. cornered, i agreed and said lets talk about this post show. After the VERY SUB PAR production he sent me an invoice for a very small amount of money, i replyed, in a VERY kind way, stating that we can forget about the tiny invoice and work together on other shows or i can pay the amount and overlook working together in the future. THIS is his reply.
TK,
Thanks for the note and being honest with your feelings on the monitors. It’s helpful – I learn as I go with this thing.
This is long, but I think you deserve it and I think it’s important because your ministry is important… So…
The first thing is I’m the bomb and you’d be a dummy for not using me as much as you’re able. (WOW. TALK ABOUT LEFT FIELD…)
The other production companies are chumps that rarely give a rip about excellence or sharing your passion for souls. (SAID BY THE GUY WHO FELL ASLEEP AT FRONT OF HOUSE DURING THE SHOW!!) My wedges are considered the best in the world at present – they list for $4,700 each and dealer is $3,400. Their sound is stunning and they have a enough volume output for deaf hardcore bands. All my stuff is like that – I think a Mercedes is the cheapest car you should buy. I’m sick, (NOTED) but happy. My competitors…(reasonably) buy stuff they can make real money on…
The second thing is I’m the weirdest sound company on earth and only going to get weirder. You can see my vision for this thing on the first page of my brochure:
LINK REMOVED (THINK MICROSOFT PAINT)
…I have MUCH to learn – mainly about the business end of things – but I’ve yet to meet or hear of anyone in this industry that can equal the math and physics background I have (toot!). (”toot!”…? WHAT THE…?!)
I have a master’s degree in stuff dealing with money (NOW THATS JUST FUNNY) and spent 20 years in finance. I’m rich enough not to have to work. I don’t need money (YET YOU NEED A TINY CHECK FROM ME…). I’m doing sound to save people’s souls as a form of retirement. Then I’m going to die and do sound in Heaven… (THERE IT IS!… I WAS WONDERING WHEN THE GOD CARD WOULD SHOW UP)
So what you need to do is send the loot (WHO ARE YOU?! LOOT? IS SOMEONE GOING TO COME BREAK MY THUMBS?) to the following address – thanks. AND you KNOW you should hire me again – every chance you get as a matter of fact. (I’ll GET RIGHT ON THAT… I’ll… CALL YOU…)
Blessings – ______
hope you enjoyed that as much as i.
12 Comments
Wow… I had so much fun reading this.
wow. as someone who has a PhD in something to do about analyzing stuff, I’d like to say that indeed passed the laugh test!
HA HA HA HA HA HA! BEST POST EVER! I will refrain from stating the response that SHOULD be written back. However I will say this…It involves two words, starts with the letter F and ends with the letter U. Was this kid one of these homeschoolers that we encountered when holding “film school”?
I wish this was a kid. This email is was the product of a (about) 45 y/o, grown, man.
At first I thought this was the funniest thing ever.
Then I felt sorry for him.
Now Im back to the hilarious state.
I think you should Hire him again, Like he said, He is the Best in the World. Clearly you can’t do better than him. I don’t know why you are being so Stubborn? !!!!!
Make sure you save that!!
I wish I could have been in your office with you while reading this
If someone says they are best in the world, then it must be. Bro, where did some of those comments/statements come from??? He had to have been on something!! haha Wow!
wow…just…whoa.
i am humble. incredibly humble. you will know i am the humblest because there will be no one more humble. i define humility!
made. my. day.
That’s hilarious. Thanks @gavinbaker for the link.
I do think I understand what he means by the “toot” though: as in “tooting his own horn.” What’s ironic is that he thinks that’s the one statement in the whole email to which the expression applies.
Incredible. Mind-blowing.